Reinette's Letter
by Kimi Bristow
Summary: Ever wondered what was going through Reinette's head whilst she was writing the letter to the Doctor? Ever read her side of the story?


I'm dying…that's what the doctors told me. Shortly…and now I fear that I shall never see him again. Yet still I reach out towards the writing desk and find a pen and some paper so I can write to him one last time like I have been doing since I was seven years old…my not-so-imaginary friend. The Doctor. My Doctor.

_My dear Doctor,_

The only bit of his name I know. I saw that much inside his head, I know nearly everything there is to know about him, but not his name. Its locked inside his head behind a heavily guarded door…only he knows and he will never reveal it, but he has so many memories linked to it. Memories I saw and I did not like them. It's probably something like Louis like my lover or maybe something English like Henry or James…Doctor James…Doctor Henry…Doctor Louis. But I like the name Doctor just the way it is.

_The path has never seemed more slow; yet I fear I am nearing its end._

He always sick of being stuck on the slow path; he so very nearly was stuck on the slow path with me. Till I revealed how he could get back to that girl. Using the fireplace I had had since my childhood.

_Reason tells me that you and I are unlikely to meet again but I think I shall not listen to reason._

I was only going back to my room to get my fan. When I arrived there, I was met by some peculiar sight.

_**A strange man was in my room back in my old home. He was in some strange attire and yet I knew who he was. Fireplace man…my imaginary friend. I hadn't seen him in 10 years.**_

_**I made a noise to catch his attention and he turned to look at me. Immediately he looked uncomfortable.**_

''_**Oh, hello'', he sort of stuttered as though he was utterly confused at where he was ''Um, I was just looking for Reinette. Um, this is still her room, isn't it? I've been away, not sure how long''**_

''_**Reinette!'' my mother called ''We are ready to go''**_

''_**Go to the carriage, mother. I will join you there'', I called back, still stood in the spot I taken in arriving at my room.**_

''_**It is customary I think to have an imaginary friend only during one's childhood. You are to be congratulated on your persistence'', I told him, my full attention on him. **_

''_**Reinette'', he said, gazing at me surprised ''Well, goodness how you've grown''**_

_**He was totally mesmerised by me. A lot of men did that so I thought nothing of it.**_

''_**And you do not appear to have aged a single day. That is tremendously impolite of you'', I replied, moving forward to talk more with him.**_

''_**Right, yes, sorry'', he said, just aware of the situation ''Um, um, um, listen, lovely to catch up, but better be of, eh? Don't want your mother finding you with a strange man, do we?''**_

_**He was trying to escape…he fancied me I could tell. Every man did that…self-control they call it. So I tried to relax him, yet confused about how he seemed to not age.**_

''_**Strange?'' I asked ''How can you be a stranger to me. I have known you since I was seven years old?''**_

''_**Yeah…I suppose you have'', he replied ''I came the quick route''  
I touched his face tentatively. Was this man real?**_

''_**You seem to be flesh and blood at any rate, but this is absurd. Reason tells me you cannot be real'', I said. I had aged 10 years, he had not. He should have been an old man by now, unless he was not all he seemed.**_

''_**Oh, you never want to listen to reason'', he replied quickly. **_

''_**Mademoiselle!'' our faithful servant Remy called ''Your mother grows impatient!''**_

''_**A moment!'' I replied, then turned back to face him ''So many questions, so little time''**_

_**And so I kissed him…it was obvious that was what he wanted from me, so I did it. He was so handsome and real…if only he would stay longer. It seemed to last for eternity, before Remy called.**_

''_**Mademoiselle Poisson!''**_

_**So I broke away, grabbed my fan and ran off. Eager to meet my mother…eager to look back on what had just happened.**_

That was the last time I saw him for 6 years. 6 years. I thought I had saw him in the gardens when I was with Katherine…I could just sense it…but he was nowhere to be seen. I saw him a few months later on though, 6 years later to exact, when the clockwork thing was with me. He…I made it go away and then talked to me. He scanned my brain, searching for answers. Then I saw something…something which made him equal to what I was. His soul…

_I have seen the world inside your head and know that all things are possible. _

He has defied death itself…maybe I could as well 

He was scanning my brain, his eyes firmly closed.

''_**Actually there's a door there you might want to close. Actually several'', he said to me and I smiled.**_

''_**To walk among the memories of another living soul, do you ever get used to this?'' I asked him.  
He replied ''I don't make a habit of it''**_

''_**How can you resist?'' I replied back, trying some playful banter with him to lighten up the tense mood.**_

''_**What age are you?'' he asked and I smiled even more.**_

''_**So impertinent a question so early in the conversation. How promising'', I grinned like a cat.**_

''_**Not my question'', he amended ''Theirs. You're 23 and for some reason that means you're not old enough''**_

_**I started to draw back, choosing to search through some of his memories. He said it was just like a door…and doors can be entered through either direction. The memories…the pain.**_

''_**Sorry, you might find some old memories reawakening. Side effect'', he apologised, unaware of my being going through his memories.**_

''_**Oh, such a lonely childhood'', I said, embracing his pain. I knew that he could regenerate…that he would watch all his loved ones die in front of his eyes…pass away, leaving his heart broken. It had happened all his life. **_

''_**It'll pass. Stay with me'', he urged, still blissfully unaware.**_

''_**Oh, Doctor. So lonely, so very very alone''**_

''_**What do you mean alone?'' he asked, amazed ''You never been alone in your life''**_

_**Then he drew back, not angry, but slightly demanding.**_

''_**When did you start calling me Doctor?'' he asked.**_

''_**Such a lonely little boy'', I said, still embraced in his pain ''Lonelier then and lonelier now. How can you bear it''**_

''_**How did you do that?'' he asked, still not angry, more scared.**_

''_**A door once opened may be stepped through in either direction'', I replied honestly, then moved forward ''Oh, Doctor. My lonely Doctor. Dance with me''**_

''_**I can't'', he replied, through gritted teeth.**_

''_**Dance with me''**_

''_**This is the night you dance with the King'', he stated, knowing what I meant.**_

''_**Then first I shall make him jealous'', I said, showing him that I didn't care about the King's feelings. A proper courtesan would know that.**_

''_**I can't'', he repeated.**_

''_**Doctor?'' I asked him ''Doctor who? It's more than just a secret isn't it''**_

_**More like a conspiracy to ostracize him from his home.**_

''_**What did you see?'' he asked.**_

_**I decided to stay shut…to play with him a little longer…showing him that I could keep a secret.**_

''_**That there comes a time, Time Lord, when every lonely little boy must learn how to dance'', I said, taking his hand and led him away.**_

That night, he left me in a drunken high after much spirited partying and as he put it 'Letting your hair down'. And I did not see him for so many more years to come. I did get visited by his friends Rose and that boy, to warn that me that he would come eventually, along with those things. But I wouldn't see him for 14 years…14 years. In that time I had given birth to my daughter Fanfan and she had died…so much had changed and yet I still loved him.

In rescuing me that one final time, he stopped himself from returning to his world. He was finally stuck on the slow path with me, until I opened my mouth and showed him my fireplace from my old home. It was because I saw the things inside his mind, his feelings for Rose. She's seems a lovely girl and I saw how much he had changed when he was away from her. But he loved me, I knew he did, but there was some unbreakable bond between him and this horrible wolf-like child.

He was so excited that it was there and fixed it.

''Loose connection!'' he exclaimed ''Need to get a man in!''

He fixed it with a wand thing and banged on it. Then he stood at the side of it and looked at me.

''Wish me luck!'' he said as he started it.

In that split second I knew in my mind I would properly never see him again if I let him go. Another precious thing in my life slipping through my fingers like Fanfan, like so many other things  
''No!'' I replied back softly as he went round. His happy grin dissipated and he met on the other side of the fireplace.

''Madame De Pompadour!'' he called cheerily and I bent down to look at him ''Still want to see those stars?''

''More than anything'', I replied happily, knowing that I would see him again…he was going to return for me! He wasn't going to leave me.

''Give me two minutes'', he said ''Pack a bag!''

''Am I going somewhere?'' I asked back.

''Pick a star…any star!'' he said and ran off as I ran off to gaze at the window, eagerly picking out a star…waiting for him.

_Hurry though my love, my days grow short and I am so very weak._

That was the last time I saw him, 5 years ago for I am 42. So very weak, so very, very weak. He never did come back for me…never did come back through that fireplace to greet me and my heart was crushed, has been crushed for 5 years. I still work…to stifle my pain. Like a dagger to the heart…to cease all pain and I am dying from exhaustion. I am ill from all the work I have done. Illness is taking over me as I speak. But I hope and I pray that one day he will return to find this letter. Some day. A day when he will whisk me away to the stars or he will close every door ever linked to me. Burn the book that carries the chapters of my life so he cannot walk through them anymore.

But I know he will return one day, maybe next year. If I'm still alive. I pray that I am when he comes back, for I so very dearly wish to see him once more before I pass away to the heavens.

_Godspeed my lonely angel_

_Yours lovingly,_

_Your darling Reinette_


End file.
